Independent Women

I was raised by a VERY strong woman. I was raised by a woman that is very self sufficient and self dependent. And I tend to not only be attracted to that same type of woman but they seem to be attracted to me.

So last night my ex texted me asking if I knew how to change a tire. I do know how but I'm wondering what kind of question is that for someone who just posted on fb that she was watching basketball..lol. Automaticly I start feeling a certain type of way because I don't have a car nor do I have a license to drive so why ask me that question?
I respond yeah but it started to nag me because when we were dating she was very self sufficient and self dependent. With a new born son, a great job, her own apartment and only 20 she was amazing. I was in awe at her drive and how open she was to going anywhere and doing anything. She had no problem being in the hood but she was a corporate chick. She was what rap songs are made of..lol. She never asked a thing from me and I of her but we gave each other the world. We quickly became friends and then lovers. We left each other on good terms but my heart was hurt.
Anyway, now she's separted from her husband and has 2 children. I still have massive love for this woman but little by little I see she has changed. Everything that I loved about her isnt there anymore and what seemed to be a simple question about changing a tire has me questioning if I should even keep talking to her the way I do.
She always complains about her husband but it seems that she relies on him in a way I thought I would never see her need someone. I took her to a NinjaSonik/ Theophilus London show and she seemed so uncomfortable there. Whenever I do see her she's always tired. NONE OF THIS IS WHAT I WANT... and now this damn question...
In my head I see that she's trying to figure if she should really call it quits with her husband and be with me but I dont want to pick up his slack. I dont want to take his place. All I wanted was APPARENTLY someone that doesn't exist anymore.
I think alot of woman like to say the are independent but most aren't. Independence doesn't come with family that is willing to bail you out or men who are willing to give you anything for some attention.
My mom is MARRIED and still an independent woman. Never in my life have I heard her blame one single person for something that needed to be done for me or my family. She never blamed my father for things we couldn't afford or call on anybody when our lights got cut off. She was doing the way it needed to be done. And thats the Independent Woman I'm looking for.